


A Med Tech's Thoughts

by Athena13



Series: Thoughts [4]
Category: Battlestar Galactica (1978)
Genre: Break Up, F/M, Love, thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-29
Updated: 2013-09-29
Packaged: 2017-12-27 22:25:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/984318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Athena13/pseuds/Athena13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Med Tech's point of view.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Med Tech's Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> Written December 1998

I should have known! I should have known! 

I can't stop the phrase that's going through my mind. I really should have known. I'm not inexperienced, especially when it comes to men and relationships. I am, was, a trained Socialator for frak’s sake! I mean when I met Starbuck I knew there was no way he was the settling down type. I certainly never meant to get to this point with him. I thought we'd have some fun for a while, maybe even be friends. I never thought I would change so much and want more.

I guess it was naive of me, really. Our entire world had been destroyed, how could I not expect to change? I wanted to change! I knew there was no place for a Socialator and I didn't want to have to subject myself again to a civilian ship, so I decided to become a Med Tech on our lone battlestar. It wasn't that far from my former profession, I cared for people, I just didn't get to sleep with them anymore and I found myself liking the respectable life. And wanting more of it. Enter Starbuck.

When I met him he seemed so carefree and fun. As expected, he also came with established emotional entanglements. One which appeared to have ended thanks to the Cylons and another that still lingered around. 

Well, _she_ lingered around. So I thought. That was another example of how blind I've been.

I thought Athena was this annoying little girl who was hanging around trying to catch Starbuck's eye. When I found out who she was, I amended that to a spoiled little girl chasing her brother's best friend. It wasn't until sectars later that I discovered that Athena was no little girl, just a rather young woman and she wasn't hanging around _my_ Starbuck uninvited. 

All the time I was convinced Starbuck was just taking pity on her, or trying to use her to keep me at arm's length, they were in fact trying to resurrect what I now know was a rather serious relationship. But then I didn't have all the facts.

For instance, I didn't know until tonight that Starbuck had proposed to her and she had rebuffed him. If I had known that back on Carillon I might have walked away and not let him use me to get back at her. Or get over her. Then again, I might have. But I would have known better about a lot of things. Made a lot of different decisions along the way to where I am now. 

I also didn't know until tonight that Starbuck never slept with her. That was mind blowing knowledge. Starbuck likes his sex. A lot. I'm trained remember. What would I have done if I had known that Starbuck had dated her for a yahren without that incentive? How the hell do I know? I never got a chance to think about it!

Maybe this isn't as out of the blue as I thought earlier. Yes, Starbuck has seemed more willing to settle down lately. He's been exploring his emotional side more lately. Talking about things like family and commitment. How was I supposed to know he didn't mean me? 

Truthfully, looking back, there were a few clues along the way I just didn’t see. Or refused to see.

Things have been strained between us for a while. It's not something I gave a lot of thought to. We live stressful lives and we were going through changes. But I should have looked closer since I do have psych training. 

Then there's the time he's been spending with Athena since she pulled herself out of the romantic feud. I've even come to genuinely respect and admire her. I'm a secure woman and I never thought twice about them spending time without me around. They've known each other for yahrens and are practically brother and sister. Well, that's what I thought.

Then there was the fact that our sex life has been less than stellar for a while now. Another thing I just brushed aside as something to worry about when things settled down. Like they ever would.

I am certain, however, that Starbuck had no idea how he felt about her. He was too busy running away from her. He told me he loved me and I believe he truly does. Just not as deeply as he loves her. If I hadn't slept with him would he have stuck around? I don't really think so. That's not who he was then and probably not who he is with anyone but her.

I am even more positive that Athena has absolutely no idea what is in Starbuck's mind. I saw them tonight before the dinner I didn't go to. She was giggling up a storm with Biehn and seem to even be aware it was Starbuck who wasn't letting her go. She and Biehn always seemed flirty together. No, she told me she wasn't going to interfere in our relationship and I still believe her. She's not the reason I didn't go to dinner tonight.

It was everything else that happened. Truthfully, Starbuck and I haven't been intimate in over a secton. He seemed busy and so was I so I didn't think too much of it. Not until tonight. We both had plenty of time before dinner to connect. I knew it. He knew it. We just had different plans for connecting. Looking back, I didn't give the poor man a chance.

The lights in my quarters were dimmed when he walked in. And I was waiting. Naked. It had been so long I knew I wouldn't have had the patience for lingerie. He walked in looking all serious and I thought I knew just what to do to relax him. 

I walked over to him and plastered myself against him and began to kiss him. He pushed me away! 

Seriously. 

Not that I was deterred. Before he could get a word in my hand was down his pants and opening them up. To give him credit, he tried to stop me. Now that I think about it again, he sounded pretty upset as he called my name and asked me to slow down and listen to him. But, like I said, it had been a while. I couldn't be stopped.

I took him in my hand and, well, nothing happened. Other than a furious flush on both of our faces when it became clear that he wasn't aroused by my performance. Needless to say I was pretty upset. Instead of staying to talk to him I gathered a robe and ran to get dressed. By the time I got back it was time to leave for dinner.

That was when I figured it all out. 

I was talking with Apollo when all of a sudden we heard giggles, laughs and an "oof!" That last one was Starbuck who found himself with a handful of Athena against his body. 

I wasn't upset about that, it was an accident. What upset me was that Starbuck seemed hesitant to let her go. What hit me between the eyes was that when he did he was very obviously aroused. And it wasn't just the erection that I saw straining his pants that clued me in, it was the flush and look of longing on his face. A look _I_ had never seen. Before I knew it I was walking away. 

A few centons later Starbuck showed up at my door and told me he wanted to talk. Well, he told me that after I smacked him across the face. Men aren't the only gender with pride. At that point, I was too upset and needed to think so I told him to go to dinner and we'd talk later. He refused and it all came out. In all its gory detail.

His guilt for hurting me. The fact that he did care about me a great deal. But that he loved Athena and had only realized it a few days ago. That he didn't know if she loved him or would even trust him again. Then he poured out the story about his proposal and her rejection of him in the immediate aftermath of the Destruction and the deaths of their loved ones. 

Then he told of his rejection of her when she tried to take it back. 

He swore up and down that he never lied to me about anything or anyone. He told me how sorry he was. 

I guess it was a relief that I didn't make him wait until after dinner. For both of us. Or all three of us if what I think will happen happens. Like I said, I don't know if Athena loves him, but she'd be a damn fool not to. After all, I do.

END


End file.
